Heart testing update

After the echo last Thursday, I was ok. I didn't want to worry about something that I couldn't control or help. I was doing fine. On Saturday, Cindy (owner/veterinarian) told me that Dr. Brown had told her about Red's echo when she saw him on Thursday. She was there when he was doing the cat echos and he talked to her about it. I was glad he did because I wanted to talk to Cindy about it anyway and get her opinion. She said that Dr. Brown could tell that I loved Red so much and would be upset by the results and he wanted Cindy to know about it. I just had the feeling that maybe he thought it was worse than what I originally believed. Cindy said that wasn't the case, but it still made me recognize the gravity of it all.

It was a rough day for me after that. I ended up getting teary at the end of the day, and couldn't wait to leave so I wouldn't burst out into tears in front of everyone. I cried a bit on the way home, and called my sister for support. I got off the phone and cried some more. I just felt so hopeless.

I got home and told James that I needed a hug, and explained why and his response was, "Well if you'd stop fucking poking and proding these animals, you'd stop finding things wrong with them. You were all flipped out about Titus before, and he turned out to be fine. Stop being a baby." Nice - real nice. That's a nice, sensitive thing to say. I flared up that I would rather KNOW something is wrong so I can treat it versus just wait til they drop dead out of the blue. I was so angry after that - all I wanted was for him to listen and comfort me, not call me a crazy person for health testing my pets and tell me to stop being a baby. Later that night, I made him read Dr. Brown's cardiology report about Red so maybe he would understand why I was upset. He didn't really listen to me when I first explained the findings last week. He read it and didn't say a word. I took that to mean either he didn't understand a word of it, or he understand now why I was so worried.

First thing after 8:00am this morning, I called Lab Corp to inquire about renting a Holter monitor. The lady I talked to said I have to sign and fax back a user agreement form, then they will send the monitor with instructions to me, and it needs to be returned within 7 days. They pull the data from the machine, review it and summarize it and give me a report. This all costs $145.50. I can have their cardiologist interpret the report for an additional fee, but I will have Dr. Brown look at it for me.

They do not supply a vest. She suggested taping it on. I am visualizing in my mind's eye, Red scratching at it or otherwise being uncomfortable and annoyed with it, and either not getting a good diagnostic reading, or him getting it off somehow. I called Dr. Brown's office to see if they had a holter vest I could borrow. They didn't. They recommended taping it on and affixing it to a regular harness. Still not sure how that would work... Finally, I remembered that a friend on DT may have a vest I can borrow. Being the saint that she is, she said she would not only let me borrow it, but she'd wash it and mail it out to me tomorrow! I am so happy and grateful for her generosity. I am so flipped out about all of this heart business to begin with and I just want the best possible readings I can get with this Holter, and having this vest will put my mind at ease and make it easier on me.

The Lab Corp lady said they will fax me the form tomorrow to sign and fax back, and then hopefully get the Holter to me by Friday 4/10/09. Which would be great so I could do it over the weekend, which I have off work so I could watch him with it on - and also do things like train, run, walk, and rest. Get every possible scenario for something to occur. I really hope they get it to me quickly.... I just want to KNOW. At least I feel like I'm doing something while waiting for the 6 months to past before I can have him echoed again...